Authors & Speakers Network Blog with Larry James

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Speaking in Public: Two Errors That Lead to Fear

Filed under: Speaker Tips — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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Seth Godin, Guest Author

1. You believe that you are being actively judged

2. You believe that the subject of the talk is you

When you stand up to give a speech, there’s a temptation to believe that the audience is actually interested in you.

SpeakingFEARThis just isn’t true. (Or if it is, it doesn’t benefit you to think that it is).

You are not being judged, the value of what you are bringing to the audience is being judged. The topic of the talk isn’t you, the topic of the talk is the audience, and specifically, how they can use your experience and knowledge to achieve their objectives.

When a professional singer sings a song of heartbreak, his heart is not breaking in that moment. His performance is for you, not for him. (The infinite self-reference loop here is that the professional singer finds what he needs when you find what you need.)

The members of the audience are interested in themselves. The audience wants to know what they can use, what they can learn, or at the very least, how they can be entertained.

If you dive into your (irrelevant to the listener) personal hurdles, if you try to justify what you’ve done, if you find yourself aswirl in a whirlpool of the resistance, all you’re providing is a little schadenfreude – pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune – as a form of entertainment.

On the other hand, if you realize that you have a chance to be generous in this moment, to teach and to lead, you can leave the self-doubt behind and speak a truth that the audience needs to hear. When you bring that to people who need it, your fear pales in comparison.

Media you choose to do is always about the audience. That’s why you’re doing it. The faster we get over ourselves, the sooner we can do a good job for those tuning in.

Copyright © 2013. Seth Godin. Seth Godin has written thirteen books that have been translated into more than thirty languages. Every one has been a bestseller. He writes about the post-industrial revolution, the way ideas spread, marketing, quitting, leadership and most of all, changing everything. Seth is the founder of The Domino Project. Check Seth’s Blog.

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Larry James is a Professional Speaker, Author and Coach. Larry James presents networking seminars nationally and offers Networking coaching; one-on-one or for your Networking Group! Invite Larry James to speak to your group! His latest book is, Ten Commitments of Networking: Creative Ways to Maximize Your Personal Connections! Something NEW about Networking is posted on this Networking BLOG every 4th day! Visit Larry’s Networking Website at: “Networking HQ!”

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: Larry James, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com

NOTE: All articles and networking tips listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Monday, September 9, 2013

Overcoming Glossophobia!

Do you suffer from glossophobia? As many as 75% of people have glossophobia.

What is it?

GlossophobiaIf you suffer from glossophobia you shy away from any opportunity to speak in public. Glossophobia or speech anxiety is the fear of public speaking or of speaking in general. The word glossophobia comes from the Greek glōssa, meaning tongue, and phobos, fear or dread. Symptoms include:

• intense anxiety prior to, or simply at the thought of having to verbally communicate with any group,
• avoidance of events which focus the group’s attention on individuals in attendance,
• physical distress, nausea, or feelings of panic in such circumstances.

The importance of learning to speak in front of an audience is undeniable – invariably intertwined with leadership, motivation, and change. Glossophobia can be overcome!

“Do the thing you fear to do the most and the death of fear is certain.” ~ Dale Carnegie

Glossophobia is common, and in some cases it can be life-limiting. However, the success rate for treatment is extremely high. The first step is to find a speaking coach or therapist that you trust who can help you work through the fear.

I highly recommend that you…

speaking1. Practice your talk by speaking out loud. Get used to hearing your own voice.
2. Record your talk on a tape recorder. Listen for mistakes, the “ahs” and “ums” you use to fill in the blanks. I recorded at least the first 50 talks I ever gave and listened to them over and over to fine-tune the spots that needed work.
3. Practice, drill and rehearse! You need to know your material inside out, especially the beginning and the end.

The goal may be only to stand up for 30 seconds at a networking meeting to introduce yourself. When someone asks you to speak, say, “Yes!” You may be asked to talk about your book or something you have earned the right to talk about. Say, “Yes!” and get busy practicing. I have found it useful to practice in front of a mirror.

If you are just beginning to accept opportunities to promote your book or services, the goal is not to become a professional speaker, but to do the very best you can.

No one can be an expert at everything! Remember that. Have no more than one or two 15 or 20 minute talks to start out with.

I made no less than several hundred free talks before I started requesting a fee to speak. I talked to civic groups, chamber of commerces, and many other small organizations before I began to charge for my keynotes (a prevailing tone or central theme, typically one set or introduced at the start of a conference) and seminars (usually a 2 or 3 hour conference or other meeting for discussion or training).

Authors and Potential Speakers: The vast majority of careers involve some level of public speaking, from participating in meetings to giving presentations to potential clients and promoting your books. Once you have successfully worked through the worst of your fear, you might want to consider joining a speaking group such as Toastmasters, Dale Carnegie’s Secrets to Effective Public Speaking, and the National Speakers Association (NSA). These groups can help you polish your public speaking skills through repetition and offering speaker tips from fellow members. Building confidence in your ability to speak in public can further reduce your anxiety.

Watch additional YouTube videos about glossophobia: Click here!

BONUS Articles: 5 Mistakes I Made in My First 5 Years as a Professional Speaker
How To Overcome Fear and Shyness ~ Video
Speakers: Stay on Time!
How to Structure a Great Presentation ~ Video
How To Tame Speaking Butterflies

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Copyright © 2013 – Larry James. Larry James is a professional speaker and the author of three relationship books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” His newest book is “Ten Commitments of Networking.” Larry James also offers “Author & Speaker” coaching. Contact: AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. CelebrateLove@cox.net – More than 110 articles especially for Authors & Speakers at: www.AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.com

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationships” BLOG at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking” BLOG at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Weddings” BLOG at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com

Sunday, September 2, 2012

How to Heal Your Fear of Public Speaking

Dana Saviuc, Guest Author

“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld

decision-making-processSince I recently gave a talk in front of more than 100 people and I managed to HEAL this FEAR of public speaking that was paralyzing me and I am sure is paralyzing so many of us, I decided to share some of the things I did to help me heal this FEAR.

“There are three things to aim at in public speaking: first, to get into your subject, then to get your subject into yourself, and lastly, to get your subject into the heart of your audience.” ~ Alexander Gregg

1. START WITH THE END IN MIND – This is a really powerful rule I apply in everything I do and it makes a huge difference. It’s very important to see yourself at the end of your speech feeling the feelings that come from being in front of a big audience. See their expressions, the joy on their faces and see yourself as being super happy, super excited and very proud of your accomplishments. See in your mind’s eye the end result and focus on that until it becomes your reality… assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled.

“Make your future dream a present fact, by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.” ~ Neville

2. PUT YOUR EGO ON THE SIDE – If you care more about the audience and the message you want to deliver than you do about your own person chances are that you will find the strength to face your fear and to eventually heal it. Think of the VALUE you are offering and how it will impact THEIR lives. When what you say comes from the heart and it comes from a place of honesty, trust, love and passion, people will feel it and they will want to listen to what you have to say. Put your EGO on the side and focus on serving the audience in the best way possible.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” ~ Dale Carnegie

3. TAME YOUR MIND – When I saw the room where I was supposed to give the talk I panicked. I would imagine myself on stage looking all scared and without saying one single world I would start running away from stage. Now I can laugh when I think of this but at that time I was really, really, really, really scared!

“Worry clogs the brain and paralyzes the thought. A troubled brain can not think clearly, vigorously, locally.” ~ Orison Swett Marden

You will have all kind of crazy thoughts running through your mind and it’s your responsibility to tame your mind and to make sure that is constantly focusing on the things you want to achieve and nothing else. By doing so you will go from feeling scared to feeling empowered and grateful because you are given the opportunity to share your knowledge and wisdom with the world.

“We really have to remember that our senses and our thoughts LIE to us all the time. Just because you are having a thought doesn’t mean its true!” ~ Wayne Dyer

4. FIND A FRIEND – If you can find a close friend, a brother, mother, sister, a person whom you trust on helping you out while you give the presentation in front of them in advance it will be really helpful. They will give you pointers and help improve your body language, your tone of voice, the quality of the content and based on that the quality of your performance will be higher.

“Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” ~ Kenneth Blanchard

5. DETACH FROM THE OUTCOME – It’s so important to let go of all your expectations and to let go of your need to control the outcome. I know it might seem in contradiction with the first point – start with the end in mind, but it’s not. You want to gain courage, strength and confidence by seeing the end result in your mind’s eye since this will only help you focus and create a positive outcome, but at the same time you want to be relaxed and detached from how events will unfold. Just relax and enjoy the ride because in the end you will realize it was all about the journey and less about the destination.

“Detach yourself from the opinions of others… from the past; from the need to be right and to win; from an obsession with material things. Follow your passion in life, but detach from the outcome and allow the universe to handle the details.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

6. JUST DO IT, AND THEN DO IT AGAIN ~ NIKE – After all the preparation, all the emotions and all the scenarios you created in your mind before the actual event, it is now time to take the stage and show the world what you are made of. It’s okay if your fear is not 100% healed. Just know that every time you get on stage to share your great skills, knowledge and insights with the world you will heal your fear little by little. Just go out and do it over and over again and you will wake up one day and realize that what you once fear so badly is now something you have come to love deeply. The stage will become your best friend and the audience your family.

There are two basic motivating forces: FEAR and LOVE. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections.

“If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” ~ John Lennon

danaCopyright © 2012 – Dana Saviuc. When nobody’s watching, I pretend I’m a moon sprite; transcendent, effervescent, ever curious. Yet my birth certificate says I’m a human born in Romania. Oh well. I’m an enthusiastic student of the arts, economics, psychology and spirituality – and I take great pleasure in shining light on life’s hidden truths, the paradoxes that both stare us in the face and hide from us in unison, as they silently shape our every waking moment. Visit Dana’s Blog and her Facebook page.

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Larry James is a professional speaker and the author of three relationship books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” His newest book is “Ten Commitments of Networking.” Larry James also offers “Author & Speaker” coaching. Contact: AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. CelebrateLove@cox.net – More than 110 articles especially for Authors & Speakers at: www.AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.com

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationships” BLOG at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking” BLOG at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Weddings” BLOG at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com

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